Achoo...Achoo...Achoo....
The sneezing sound repeated several times while a group of family was having a Christmas carousel. The sound was coming from the youngest little girl who dressed in a cute Christmas costume, a red short dress and a red Santa Clause hat with white fuzzy frill. "Bless you, Dear Lucy!" The mother said as she gave some tissue to her daughter. The family enjoyed their meal as they enjoyed the Christmastime. They chatted and laughed happily. It made the dining area full of laughter and happiness while the snow was falling hard outside the house. Plop...Plop was heard after it hit the grounds, which fulfilled of snow itself.
Suddenly... Ring!!!!!! The doorbell rang. Meanwhile, they also heard a knock at the front door. Knock..Knock..Knock. Again, it repeated. The middle-aged woman, who was Lucy's mom, was on her way to see who knocked at the door. Her high heels hit the wooden floor and made the sound Kip Kop...kip kop..!
The door was widely opened. The woman was in a big surprise as she saw a really big box lying on the front yard. She called everyone to come out and take a look at it. BOOM!!!! It exploded and millions of confetti-es flying out from that big box. A heavyset elderly man with a white beard appeared. "Santa!!" The children yelled out excitedly. "MERRY CHRISTMAS, Kids!" The Santa hugged his dear kids. Yeah, It was Santa Clause, the only person whom the children had been waiting for him in that precious Christmastide. Jingle bell, Jingle bell, Jingle all the way!!!
Roath
Roath,
ReplyDeleteA sweet Christmas story, you capture the excitement and surprise of Christmas really well. The onomatopoeia is nice - especially the sound you give to the woman's high heeled shoes! "Plop" is a louder sound than snow would make... snow is pretty quiet! :)
I like the surprise of the boom - I was afraid it was a bomb, but liked that it surprised us with confetti! So was Santa Claus really their father? I like that idea.
I wasn't sure what this meant: "fulfilled of snow itself"
"The door was widely opened." Instead of passive, how about active? The woman opened the door widely and saw... It makes the action stronger.
Synonym for "really big?"
I liked "Bless you dear Lucy," - even though it's a simple statement, it made me feel the kindness of her mother.
A cheerful story to read, especially when it's so hot here! I can just imagine the snow falling outside and wanting to be warm and cozy inside...:"
Thanks!
p.s. check the definition of "carousel"
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