It was my last day of the school term. So we going to have a party. I arrived early that day. I was sitting in front of my class when suddenly I overheard a group of students taking.
"A Few days ago a boy killed himself by cutting his wrist in the bathroom"said a boy with a gold hair.
"Where?"he asked his friend.
"In this school"he replied.
"What a horrible news so is he gonna haunt us?"he asked his friend
"Who know?"he replied. When they pasted me, I felt really terrified. Later,my friend arrived and we started the party.
I was having fun and almost forgot about what I overheard. When I got out of class after the party ended,I saw a boy who was wearing blue shirt. He was looking down so I couldn't see his face, but I knew he looked really pale, It was looked scary. I didn't know why, but my instinct was to get away from him. I walked to the elevator.Slowly, My heart was felt like that boy followed me. Guess what I saw? I saw a wound on his wrist I thought he was the boy who died. But why is he trying to follow me? I walked faster and faster, then I broke into a run. I really afraid because there weren't any people around here.
When I reached the elevator, I looked back and I didn't see the boy. What a relief! I was alone in the elevator. Suddenly, I heard someone's phone ring. It wasn't mine so I turned back and saw that boy again. He looked straight at me. He had a knife in his hands. Blood was flowing violently from his wrist.He took a step to me.He looked as if he wanna kill me.I was horrified.I closed my eyes and shout loudly.Then I opened my eyes again I was on my bed and my alarm clock on the table was ringing.Oh my god it just a dream.Maybe It is never happen to me again.
Visal
Wow, what a gruesome story! I'm glad you woke up.:)
ReplyDeleteI like your use of dialogue, it made me feel like I was there listening to the students talk to each other. You have some visual images, like the blue shirt, and pale skin. What else? Could you add some details that you see in the school, to make us feel like we are there? What about the other senses - touch, taste, hearing, smell?
He had a knife in my hand?
Suggestion: Try to combine some of your short sentences. How could you combine the first three sentences? Also, the 4th sentence could begin with a participle phrase. "Sitting in class, I..."
A scary, tense story. Thanks!
Thanks for your good comment teacher I'll try my best on the next blog.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great read. The suspense!
ReplyDeleteI thought the use of 'somewhat' weakened the story a little and also if you use paragraphs people are more likely to read your posts.
I drop by at this blog looking for interesting stories and I found that with your writing, Visal.
I'll come back looking for more!
Wow, this is an excellent short story. I really was pulled into the story. I appreciate when a writer can tell a story in just a few words and really paint a picture with those words - thanks for posting this, great job!
ReplyDeleteAt the end you said "he had a knife in my hand" maybe you should change it to his hand
ReplyDelete-rotha
There are a few grammatic errors, but I found my skin crawl after reading this, good job Visal!
ReplyDelete-Ati-
oooow i like your story brother because i love ghost story ^-^ . your grammar is also good i love it . work more hard brother . I'm from YL 10 My name Panha . ^=^
ReplyDeletehi!my name is pen sovicha yl 10
ReplyDeleteyour writing is good and the scary story but at the end of the story it just a dream.
HI VISAL, My name is Maland. I study at YL 10.
ReplyDeleteI love your writing it is a good writing. I think it is a movie that say the ghost in the elevator but is just dream. It is a kind of a scary story i had never read.
Hi I am from younglearners10 I read your story already, I like your story because it good grammar , your writing also good !!! from panha
ReplyDeleteHi b.visal your story is good ghost story i never read before
ReplyDeleteHi!My name Thida I from younglearner10.Your story was so scary.While I reading I feel that man is nearby me and I also stand there too.Finally it just your dream.Good work brother!
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ReplyDeleteHi! I am From younglearners10.you story is scary and good grammar. From daya
ReplyDeleteHi! i'm Mochky, I study in young leaner 10. Your story is very good. Before i also afaid as you. But it is just a dream, It never happen to you.
ReplyDeleteHi Visal I am Panha in YL10 I like your story wrote very well and good grammar. I want to see more scary story .
ReplyDeleteHi! I am From younglearners10.you story is scary and good grammar.from rotanak
ReplyDeleteHi! I am from yl10.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story!! I really like your story. You are really creative in writing the horror story.
Hi!I am from younglearners10. My name is Linda. I like your story very much beacause when i read this story i felt afraid of it!!!!
ReplyDeleteHello! My name Nak from YL 10
ReplyDeleteI really like this story because I also like read the ghost story. It's a dream but it like the real happen. When I read it, it make me like in this story too. Your story well looking, good grammar and the last one is the SCARY picture.
Hello! I am from Youngleaners10 and My name is Vonn Vichea. Your story is scary and good grammar. About the spelling and grammar are good and amazing. Than your story like joking because when i read that story it made me scary and finally it's a dream. bye bye
ReplyDeleteI think it very scary but if it was a true story, What do you do next? From angil
ReplyDeleteThanks you very much all friends.i'll try my best on the next blog.Let's wait and see :)
ReplyDelete