As the red fiery shiny ball starts to release its bright beam to the surface of the earth, the sea, then reflects the light with its clear light blue seawater, just to present its natural beauty. The combination of the oven-like and salty atmosphere, reminds all the visitors of a cup of a juicy pineapple juice. With the seagull's screeches, the pelican's yowling further in the sky, makes the whole resort turn into a paradise. All the kids are having fun wandering around the beach. Having so much fun, people start to giggle then laugh until they crackle into tears. The smells of roasted turkey, barbecued scallops, prawns, and steak fill the air with its magnificent and outstanding smell. The sun is setting, the people are back-uping their belongings, along with smiley faces back into their cars.
Ati
I wonder if the title make sense! Hmm...
ReplyDelete-Ati-
hmmmm... I think your question about the title is a good one. It seems too vague - It's "like" a paradise, but, it doesn't even exist yet!
ReplyDeleteI love how you describe the sea "presenting its natural beauty" to the sun. It made the sun and the sea seem like two friends, or lovers. It really sets a beautiful mood.
I was a little confused at first by how a salty oven would remind people of pineapple juice, but after reading it a couple times, I realized that you probably meant that it was so hot that it made people thirsty. Maybe instead of "reminds visitors of" you could say something like "makes the visitors crave an icy glass of pineapple juice!"
The sounds are fun - screeching and yowling! These both have a bit of a negative connotation though, so remember that when you are using them. (I probably wouldn't think of yowling as a sound of paradise). These are good words, though, because they're not overused and make the sentences fresh and interesting.
I wonder what a "magnificent and outstanding" smell smells like? Because you do name specific foods, though, I can imagine their smells.
crackle - crack into
back-uping - packing up
smiley - smiling
Thanks for taking risks to use new words, and incorporate sensory detail! Very nice!
Hi I'm Panha in YL10 I like your writing and your picture it's looks like fun to me I want to go there.
ReplyDeletehello!I'm phalline.I'm study at yl10.I like your writing very much becaue it very good.And i love the sea...!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Panha and Phalline for commenting my post!
ReplyDelete-Ati-
Hi Ati^^ it was really nice reading your post, the most things that i like from your story is that the description of the environment and how visitors feel. Anyway, nice to know you..I'm Nina and I'm from Young learners 10^^
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