when I was eight years old,my family and I have been visiting one place that I never forgot.It is one of the 7 wonders of the world.It's located in China.Guess what it is?It is The Great Wall of China.
2 weeks that we stayed in China.We saw many beautiful views of the natural places such as mountains,forests and lakes.There are many natural places in China so we can smelled fresh air and it made me felt refresh.Foods of China is looked good.Eggdrop Soup was one of the popular foods in China and it also tasted good.After we visited that places,we went to see the Great Wall of China.Because we want to know what make the Great Wall look wonderful?When we arrived,we could find the answer.Yeah!The Great Wall is very wonderful.It stretches out over 6700 km and It was the largest human made structure in the world.The reason that they built it just because to protect the northern border of the chinese empire.
I never forget this place.I really enjoyed my holiday in China espeacially the Great Wall of China.If I have any chance or time,I will visit this place again.
Visal
Haaa ! I like your post. Reading this post,i learned more facts about the great wall and China. 6700 Km is a very long distance,The Great Wall is just spectacular. Eggdrop Soup sounds Yummy,I really want to taste it. Nice Post.
ReplyDelete-EniX-
I like how you use a question in the first paragraph to make the reader think. You have a few specific details that help me to imagine it. I wanted to know more though... I wanted to feel like I was there with you, seeing it through your eyes. Keep working on being even more specific and personal, instead of general.
ReplyDeleteGrammar suggestions:
-1st sentence: have been visiting = are you still there now? hmmmm Maybe simple past?
-1st sentence of second paragraph is incomplete. How about combining it with the second sentence, and beginning with a time word? During our two-week holiday in China, we...
Thanks for taking us to the Great Wall. It's an impressive place!
I like the description of the meal - that felt the most "real" to me, like I was there. Work on including more sensory details. Tastes, smells of the food? Look under "resources" at the adjective lists.
ReplyDeleteI like the soup name! The storyteller was a nice touch. I wanted to know more - what kind of story you imagined he told. You wouldn't need to actually tell the story, just maybe entice us with the beginning.
Try not to summarize. I'd rather feel like I was there with you, experiencing one moment, than read a summary of the whole trip. Let the reader see, feel, hear this for the first time, through your eyes!
Thanks for the trip to China!