When I was 4 years old, the thing that I wanted to have was education. I asked my parents to go to school, they looked very happy when they heard that I wanted to study. So they sent me to study at the English school.
When I arrived school I saw some children were having fun with their friends and some were crying, than I began to think the kids that were crying that “Why they have to cry when they come to school? School is a very good place to have fun, to get education and the place that we can make friends with everybody.” I enjoyed my first day at school very much because I could make friends with many kids in my class, I also love my teacher too she taught me how to write the alphabets in English. Furthermore, she told the class about the fairy tales, comedies…
In conclusion, my childhood were a very happy time for me and the best time to remember.
Nissa
Nissa
Hi Nissa,
ReplyDeleteI like how you chose this very specific memory to show us. I was curious why you wanted to go to school when you were 4. What did you know about school? Did you see older siblings going to school? Had you ever seen a school before, or been inside one? I wanted to see through the eyes of a child more as I read this.
I like that you give some specific examples of what made school fun, like learning the alphabet. At the end, it goes beyond the first day, so you might think about how to use a transition to take the reader from the first day to later in the year.
Words like furthermore are good transitions for formal essays, but narratives don't use these words as often. They sound too formal when telling such a personal story.
How could you use a bit more sensory detail? What were the sounds, smells, tastes of school? :)
thanks Nissa!
Wow!!! You wanted to go to school when you were still 4 years old? That's awesome!!
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