Thursday, April 28, 2011
A Beautiful,Beautiful Nightmare
I was running and running very fast in the dark silent forest at late night. while i was running,i heard some wired loud wild sound. I realized just then,what i was hearing was a sound of animal running, it was chasing me just behind of my back. i gained my running speed immediately, i ran a little bit faster . but i felt i was so tired ,could not run anymore . i fell down unexpectedly just like somebody pushed me very hard.I was down on the rough hard ground, i could hear the sound well, it was coming near me now. I needed to get up and continued running as hurry as i could before that animal reached me.i was getting up slowly from the ground because i felt that there was no strength in my body at that hard time. i was so weak ,i was as light as the leave, can blow away easily. i could stand on my feet for just a moment but not so strong and may not last for long. yeah,i was right. I was falling down again just seconds after i stood up but falling down was not the biggest problem ! A grotesque animal was standing strongly in front of me and stared at me angrily and i didn't no what it was. it was so dark in the silent night and i could not see things easily, well just like i was blind. Felt like i was in the haunted house in the mid night time and the darkness appeared all over my tiny cold eyes. that fierce animal moved closely to me as soon as i was using my tired hands to move away. Just a few centimeters from me, its ugly cruel dirty face almost touch my frightened face. i shouted loudly for help "Help! help !" then i heard some heavy foot steps and seconds later i heard a beautiful,soft lady's voice . who was she? was she here to help me?big thank to god ! the voice was louder ,seemed like she was getting near me. yeah! i remembered this voice,it was a voice of my lovely mum. ohhh !she came there just in the right time to rescue me but why i didn't see her. My body was now being shook by soft warm hands, my mum's hands i believed. she also shouted my name out loudly" Nix nix ! are you ok?". i was awake from my dream as somebody spill a large cold water all over my hot face and what i had been seeing was just dreaming, a terrible nightmare ever but it scared me really bad. she sat closely to me,holding me tightly in her warm arms. i really like it,it was the most wonderful place ever that i had ever been to.i hoped it lasted forever,i could always be in her arms. she talked to me quietly with her soft,sweet voice " don't scare! nothing gonna take you away from me,sweetie ! i love you ! ". i was so cheerful after hearing this joyful words, it made me feel as i was the luckiest person in this huge nice world. A beautiful,wonderful nightmare ever in my whole life. although it frightened me but i like it because this nightmare let me know that i mean a lot to her, she really loves me. so what i have to do is to make her happy and proud of me. :) Mum ! I Love You ! <3
EniX
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Nix, this is a beautiful story of your relationship with your mom. I like this unexpected part of the story - after all the tension of the dream, the dreamer wakes up and realizes he is safe and loved.
ReplyDeleteI liked some of your descriptions = feeling like you were so light that you could blow away like a leaf, and "Just a few centimeters from me, its ugly cruel dirty face almost touch my frightened face."
You really tried to incorporate a lot of sensory detail and specific description. Good work.
Suggestions: Break this into paragraphs. It's hard to read in one very long paragraph, it gets tiring when you don't help your reader know where to stop (and rest):) Also capitalize the beginnings of sentences!
I didn't understand this line: "i heard some wired sounds of loud and wild sounds,i guessed."
This is a very ambitious piece of writing. I can see that you really enjoy expressing yourself in words! (And I can imagine the music that would accompany this story :) Thanks.
Thank for your suggestions! I love it! :)
ReplyDeleteI'll do the same things as you told next time i write . i'll try to separate it into paragraph the following time . For the line that you said you didn't understand,i'll change it to a simple one so it's easier to understand .
Thanks,:)!
HI! I'm lyda from young learner 10. I like your story very very much! I'm your number 1 biggest fan ever! Your story, your title everything is very very excellent. I want to learn it from you! how should I start? can u tell me! I want to be good and intelligent like you. Thank for your story enix! Thank a lot! bye love:lyda:)
ReplyDeleteThanks to Lyda for liking my story and being my biggest fan. Also Big and Big thanks for admiring me ^^. If you want to have a good start, you should try to read more books because in books there are nice types of writing style and the one that i used here is Sensory Details. You may find this kind in the genres of Horror and Fairy Tales, I guess. One more thing, you have to be a good liar, i mean you have to be good at daydreaming. :D Nice to see you here, TTYL !
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