.....I wake up one day feeling a very cold morning thinking that this is a bad day. Later I went to school. And the smell of dead rats and bats are very awful but my classmates and I manage to clean it all up before class time. During break time my classmates and I play soccer and got hit in the face by a ball which feels like a hard pillow striking in your face. That dirty ball and the blood in my mouth taste very salty. Later I fainted got up in the hospital with my girlfriend sitting by the bed. And the hospital smell very disgust I can smell rotten bodies and medicine makes me sick. Seeing my girlfriend waiting for me by standing out to smell makes me love her more than ever. But than my friends running to see me I could hear them from 1 story below but it makes me happier than ever. And the bad day turn out to be the best in my teenage years!P.S This is a fictional story
Tep
Well, I'm certainly glad it's fiction and you don't have dead rats and bats in your classroom! I was a little confused by what was happening. Why were there rats and bats that you had to clean up? Did you go the hospital because you fainted? Why were there rotting bodies? Must not be a very good hospital :) I appreciate how you are practicing your sensory details! Maybe slow down a little and think about how everything fits together. It jumped from scene to scene so quickly that I could barely keep up :) Check your tenses - you switch from past to present.
ReplyDeleteI like best how you show that what seems like a bad day can turn out to be a good one. We never know what our lucky day will look like!
Hi! I'm Mochky, I study in young leaner 10. Your story is also good. I hope you never get this bad day again.
ReplyDelete