It was very late at night and I was walking back home after school. My home was outside of town and I had to walk through the creepy old forest every day unless I wanted to spend 2 hours circling around it. As I was making my way through the forest, I felt the cold eerie wind which sent a chill down my spine. I could feel that something was definitely weird that day, the forest seemed too quiet. Then, the cold night wind came blowing through the trees and made the soft leaves rattle faintly. The thin dark branches swayed through the wind as if they were dancing in the cold night. The dancing shadows of the trees made the situation even creepier. As if things couldn't get any worse, I heard a loud screeching thunder, and it started raining! My heart beat faster than ever and I was running as fast as I could to get out of this dark and scary forest.As I made a run for it, out of nowhere a pack of ugly, filthy wolves stopped me in my tracks. Were these grotesque hairy animals planning to eat me as their dinner? At that moment, I felt so fragile and afraid. I could feel my instincts tell me to be brave and defend myself but, I was so afraid I couldn't even stand up. I felt that all this would end in a moment as I prepared for the worst. I thought of the great memories I had shared with my family, the great times of my life and that now it is time for my life to end.
Suddenly, one of the wolves jumped and attacked me roughly and sent me flying against an old, spooky oak tree. I felt that the moment had come for my life to end as the wolf leaped again to attack me. BANG! Suddenly, the wolf was lying on the ground, dead. I saw a shadowy person holding a light but I was so tired and out of energy that fainted right at that spot.
I woke up in the morning, in the warmth of my family's small wooden house to see my mother and father. They smiled and held my hands and I closed my eyes drifting off to sleep. So, after all, it was my father who saved me last night.
p.s. This story is fictional
Rotha
I really like your story of course, specially, about the braveness and all the things , actually. Now I want to tell you something. It would be brilliant to look at your grammar again, time usages and some of the spelling at the end. I hope you appriciate it.
ReplyDeleteHi, Rotha.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of tension in your story; the shadows, the swaying branches and the thunder kept me reading and wondering what was going to happen.
I enjoyed reading your post so much I read it twice!
Rotha,
ReplyDeleteMy favorite sentence is "Then, the cold night wind came blowing through the trees making the soft leaves rattle faintly and the thin dark branches sway through the wind as if they were dancing." I liked how you described feeling fragile and afraid even though you (the character) wanted to be brave, and the mood and tension you incorporate into your writing. Nice ending.
Some grammatical details to clear up, as someone else mentioned. We'll all do some grammar work in class.
Keep writing - yes, I want to read more!
Hey Roath, I think you missed something at the end of the 4th sentence, it goes ''...As I was making my was through the forest...'' .
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the comments, but unfortunately, I don't have any internet access so it may take a while before I have free time to correct it.
ReplyDelete-Rotha