Under the boiling heat of the angry sun, Lenka was holding her 1 years old son tightly in her arms, walking tiredly under the shadow of derelict buildings in the ruined city of Phnom Penh. She was desperately looking for food, especially, water to survive. She was exhausted enough just to look after herself but, as a mother, she wouldn't give up taking responsibilities for her baby.The weather was extremely hot and the air was really tense for everyone to breathe. There were no more trees or farmland alive around the city. The Mekong river bed which once had been full enough to let ships float now was completely dry, so if anyone wanted water, they would have to wait for rain. And once it rained, it stormed which caused some people to have a cold to death. This was the way everybody survive on this horrible Earth and so was Lenka's.
After the death of her husband in that terrible night, this poor mother and her son continued their pitiful lives like this from sunrise to sunset until one morning when her life changed forever.
P.S. THIS IS FICTIONAL.
P.2
Very creative alternative to Floodland! I like your first paragraph especially, it really drew me in and I wanted to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteWhen you say the air was really tense, I thought you meant that people felt tense. Is this correct? or did you mean polluted? Or?
I like the use of specific details like the Mekong river bed. It really makes me imagine what it would be like here in PP.
This description was not clear to me: "which caused some people to have a cold to death."
Very suspenseful! I feel like I learned just enough about this woman to want to keep reading about her life. But now, you have to write the rest of the story. Looks like you'll be very busy for the next year...
good work!
When I wrote the air was very tense, I mean that the air contains a very small amount of O2 in it and rich in Methane and CO2. Moreover, it feels hot, humid and almost unbreathable.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the description, I mean that when the weather is so hot and suddenly a cold storm occurs, humans obviously cannot cope well with this type of weather. They will have a cold, and the sickness gets more extreme as the weather in the story( it could kill people).
P.2