There are many things that I love.Books,Phone,Mp3 Player,Laptop,Sports are also important for me.But there are one things that I really love.Can you guess what it is?Laptop.It's my favorite & important thing.
Why is it important to me?Well,It is very important to me.Because I need to use it everyday.Laptop help me to finish my works in easy way by research.Every day I spent many time on my laptop.Sometimes I need to relax so I play games and there are many games in my laptop.When I was alone or unhappy,I always listening to musics or log in to my facebook by my laptop.
Also it a gift from my father.I received it on my birthday.It is a very important gift.Because everyday my father is very busy with his job.So everyday I can see him for a short time.But if I see my laptop,it just like I can see him.So it make me feel like we are close to each other.
I just want to say,it is very important to me.Everythings that I need are on my laptop.It help me to have a happy life.So I really love it.
Visal
Visal,
ReplyDeleteYes, my laptop is one of my most useful possessions too!
I like how you tell the different times you use it and what you use it for.
How does the laptop make you see your father? Is it just because you always think of him giving it to you? Or do you email/chat with him on the computer?
You have some great ideas here. Cleaning up the grammar would help your ideas come across more clearly.
Suggestions:
would you use plural "are" with one thing?
"It's a laptop." instead of "Laptop" makes a better sentence :)
Do you see how you repeat the word "important?" You use it SIX times! Hmmm. If you describe it well, then we can see that it's important without you telling us.
Most of the sentences with "important" could be deleted. You don't need these sentences:
It's my favorite & important thing.
Well,It is very important to me.
It is a very important gift.
I just want to say,it is very important to me.
Please trust yourself more, that you can describe it well and don't need to keep telling us. :)
Thanks for sharing your favorite thing with us!
Oh...there are many mistakes on this post :( Sorry teacher.But I promise,the next post must be better than this.
ReplyDeleteVisal
You know, it's still possible to change this one! Don't be sorry. The whole idea of this is practice, and we learn through revision. (Revision in American English means rewriting and making improvements). All good authors rewrite their stories many, many times. What's important is that you have a good idea to start with, and that you're willing to make mistakes and keep writing!
ReplyDelete